"So Far" is a late-20s autobiography by ian where he discusses a number of people, places, and things (also known as nouns). These nouns include, but are not limited to: his high school suicide attempt, writing for mental health, a future in politics, growing up in Kansas, popular tv, popular music, his first time doing psilocybin mushrooms (known colloquially as "shrooms"), and navigating his first years in Hollywood post-pandemic and post-MeToo. After graduating with honors from the University of Toronto, ian moved to LA in 2019 to write for The Simpsons, but immediately faced complications due to his brother's toxic mental state (shocking details in the book!). Without knowing how to write a script, ian embarked on his own, mere weeks before the covid-19 pandemic shut down the world, including the world of show business. Ian spent years working in odd jobs while navigating the forgotten halls of storytelling, before finally channeling his experiences into his first novel, "So Far." The title takes its inspiration from the final line of the book: "I have only come so far in my 27 years, but in my 27 years, I have come so far." Now 31, ian has spent even more time in the world of nouns, all while diving deeper and deeper into the mindset of politics and governance. When combined with the entire Beatles discography, "So Far" is estimated to have sold over 1 billion copies worldwide!
"Conversations with ChatGPT" has been described as groundbreaking by its author, ian, whose website you are visiting. Written in 7 days, this book dives deeply into the psyche of presidential-and-papal aspirant ian, whose website you are still viewing. Picking up where "So Far" left off, "Conversations with ChatGPT" follows ian as he continues down the road less traveled. The book, which has been described as "objectively monumental" by it's handsome and intellingent and humble author, traces ian's path out of a fraudulent business relationship (shocking details inside!), and into the world of Community College. (Also explored are Hitler's paintings, Spielberg's directorial techniques, and the Mariah Carey-Eminem feud). After dumping his fraudulent colleague, but before enrolling at Santa Monica College, ian discovered he wants to be Pope. But here's the thing: ian is a jewish atheist! However, ian believes that at the heart of his message lies a theme of spirituality. Thus, ian outlines his ideas for 12 new religions (shocking details inside!). Further, in the months since publishing, ian has invented another 2 religions, bringing the total to 14! Suck it, Buddha. When combined with the entire works of little-known English author William Shakespeare, "Conversations with ChatGPT" is estimated to have reached sales of 2-4 billion copies worldwide!
"Bob!" is the first ever feature-length screenplay written by ian. Initially written as a new installment for the Friday the 13th franchise (part 13, by the way, which happens to be ian's lucky number!), this 222-page horror-comedy was written with the intent of being ian's "love letter to Hollywood." Jam-packed with cultural references, comedic violence, and characters you love to root against, Friday the 13th Part 13, aka F1313, was "vanilla-fied" in order to be published in stores. It is no longer about Jason at Camp Crystal Lake. Now, it is about Bob at Camp Lake Crystal. For you see, this is not just a script: this screenplay symbolizes the transition from one era to another. The passing of a torch. Gone are the days when movie productions will be thought of as "top-down" processes. The process of collaborative creation is extremely bottom-up. As ian mentioned in his Hollywood Reform section above, Hollywood Studios must put crew members' headshots in the credits so that everyone can get the screentime they deserve! Hollywood Studios must open up job application windows where anyone in the world can reach decision-makers with their idea. Hollywood Studios must create vast processing departments that dust off literally every script ever submitted and just start reading. By way of Jason Voorhees, ian plans to make Hollywood much more organized and structurally-sound. (For example, ask ian how his F1313 script completely upended the halls at Paramount, and even helped lead to the ousting of a top-level Paramount executive!). When combined with any and all productions facilitated by/with/via the Marvel Cinematic Universe, ian's debut screenplay "Bob!" is estimated to have created more than 150,000 jobs!
"PG-13 Murder Mystery" is the second feature-length screenplay written by ian. Initially conceived as a gift for ian's dad, PG-13 Murder Mystery was first written as "PG-13 Peanuts," as ian's dad is a huge Peanuts fan! It follows the Peanuts gang working in a detecive office as they track a gang of brutal-but-PG13 murders happening on Peanut Street. However, ian had such a good time writing the script and was so confident in its chances, that he decided to "Vannila-fy" it, just like with F1313. Every Peanuts character's name is changed to something generic, but every line of dialogue remains the same. And it is awesome. The Vanilla version is very good and a lot of fun, but the Peanuts version is seriously amazing! Ian considers it his favorite thing he's ever written (so far). And just like with F1313, the intent behind this screenplay is not simply to cobble together a hectic movie production. The intent is to change the way Hollywood operates at a base level. Undeveloped screenplays should be sold in stores, and agents/managers/producers should spend time in the day perusing the screenplay section for the next big hit. Further (as mentioned previously), Hollywood Studios must open job application windows, so that anyone in the world can contact decision-makers about their idea. Stacks of scripts piling up in offices are completely unacceptable. Even if someone's idea sounds like the worst 120-minute movie ever, boil it down to the best 12-minute children's tv episode ever. (Hopefully PG-13 Murder Mystery [soon to be PG-13 Peanuts] is not one of the awful ones!). When combined with sales of the holy bible, ian's transformative "PG-13 Murder Mystery" has sold an estimated 5-7 billion copies in over 4,000 languages!
